May 17, 2014

Monkey See, Monkey Do

Monkey See, Monkey Do
On several levels, things have taken a turn for the worst for me lately. I'm not divorced, homeless, or dying, so "worst" is a completely relative term. A double-whammy of bad job news yesterday either hasn't fully hit me, or the news, again relatively speaking, isn't as bad as I'm making it out to be.

Right now I'm waiting for my wife to wake up so I can try and make her breakfast with some fresh eggs our friends with chickens gave us. I'm looking forward to some French Toast and trying not to eat before then....and I'm hungry.

Now this isn't a bad problem to be having and I realize that.

To fill the time I'm going through my normal "daily" interwebs file and reading another list post from Dave at Blogography. Now I'm a complete sucker for these things and when he posted these 50 questions from Liz from the Internet, well....Monkey See Monkey Do....


1:When you have a container of Neapolitan ice cream, what flavor do you leave for last?
Chocolate......Chocolate is just "OK". I guess with my Y chromosome it actually is possible to have too much chocolate.
2:Would you rather be caught in a thunderstorm without an umbrella or a snowstorm without boots?
Having been in both situations, Thunderstorm all the way. I'd rather be wet than freezing and generally, wet-weather gear doesn't keep you dry anyway.
3:Let's say you have access to a time machine, but it can only go either backward or forward. One or the other. Which do you choose and where do you go?
Backwards for sure. I'd love to be able to either see history or possibly even change it, at least on a personal level. I'd like the future to be a mystery and if I got the chance to tweak things the present could be as well.
4:If you could choose to have any superpower ever, what would you pick?
Precognition because while I'd like the future to be a mystery, it would be helpful to know a few things in advance.
5:Tomorrow morning, you wake up in the body of a celebrity, like in a '90s body-swap movie. Who is it? How do they react to your life? What do you do when you're "them"? Would you choose to switch back?
Honestly, if I this was going to happen I'd want to check off a bunch of opportunities here. I think I'd go for Ellen Page. I'd get to experience what it was like to be female, gay, & famous, without getting too far out of my comfort zone (I think). I don't think it be too big of a shock for her and all I would do is try to live an ordinary day in her shoes. I would definitely want to switch back because I wouldn't want to live someone else's life.
6:Any allergies?
Some seasonal allergies. I've only had one bad reaction. It was on a foot patrol in Bosnia, up by Brcko, and the man in lead looked like he had been painted yellow the pollen was so heavy. I thought I was going to need an Epi Pen.
7:What would you be more embarrassed to buy: sex toys or adult diapers?
Meh....they're both just things. If it was really embarrassing I'd ask a friend to get them for me, like my buddies and I used to do for condoms back in High School. Small (tiny) town....one pharmacy. Not embarrassing at all if they weren't for you. I was in line in front of my teacher once when I was buying condoms. I wasn't embarrassed in the slightest because they weren't for me. She didn't believe me, but who cares.....not for me.
8:Did you get enough sleep last night?
Nope. We left the windows open and our newest cat has been tearing around the house as soon as the birds started chirping.
9:You're the sole witness to a Mafia murder. Witness protection has to set you up with a whole new life in a totally new country. You have to leave everything behind, but you can pick where you move to. Where do you go?
The Netherlands
10:If you could star in a biopic about any famous person ever, who would it be?
Chris Farley, but only because I have to.I figure it would be fun to possibly meet so many folks that have made me laugh over the years.
11:What's the biggest animal you've ever killed? Bugs count.
My lawyer tells me there is no statute of limitations on this, so I plead the 5th? Actually I would have to say a deer while hunting. While I have no compunction about killing, I generally would only do so in three circumstances: to eat, self defense, and for mercy.
12:Would you rather have millions of dollars but always feel nauseous when you go outside, or be dirt poor forever but never get sick again in your life?
There are meds for nausea and I could afford them, so I'll take the money. Besides, I spend most of my time indoors anyway.
13:A wizard offers you immortality in exchange for your two front teeth. Do you take it?
Hells to the yeah! I'm already missing one of my front two teeth, giving up the other is easy. I just would not be looking forward to the dental work.
14:Could you win the Hunger Games?
Only if I had enough time to prepare. I'd need to get back down to my fighting weight at a minimum.
15:What was your favorite Halloween costume as a kid? How about as a teen/adult?
Once I dressed up as Dolly Parton in elementary school. I enjoyed how uncomfortable the teachers got. As an adult I would have to say the time I dressed up as Ellis from Left 4 Dead 2.
16:Do you bite your nails?
Nope, but I used to. Took a while to give that bad habit up.
17:What was the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?
Orca...I remember way-too-vividly the scene where they abort the orca fetus. It was at a drive-in, so it was HUGE.
18:Do you prefer music with male or female vocalists?
I do not have a preference for gender when it comes to music.
19:You and the love of your life are having a baby, and you get to choose the name! There's only one catch: your partner INSISTS that it be the name of a place, real or fictional. What do you name your baby?
Saskatchewan, because if I'm getting stuck with the responsibility, but not the freedom, we all get to suffer.
20:If you could reboot or remake any movie, what would it be and who would you cast?
Before Sunrise, with Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield. Their relationship in the Amazing Spiderman movies sold me.
21:If you could automatically know how to speak any language or play any instrument, which would you choose?
Any language because I think most of the real day-today problems in this world boil down to communication issues.
22:For you, would getting amnesia be a good thing?
No, I value my memories too much.
23:If you curse loudly and then realize that there are children nearby, what is your reaction?
An immediate apology and self-removal from the situation/location.
24:Of what animal are you most afraid?
In general I'm not afraid of animals. I have been on a man-hating horse that scared me at the time.
25:Pizza or oral sex?
The latter...
26:Without looking them up, can you explain the rules of football? How about Quidditch? What do you think that says about you?
I can explain the rules for football much more than I can the rules for Quidditch, obviously because I've played one but not the other and my exposure levels are vastly different.
27:You're in the car, switching channels on the radio when you hear a song that makes you go "OH SHIT, THAT'S MY JAM!" What song is it?
My jam changes depending on my mood. Right now I'd say Bowling For Soup's "I Am Waking Up Today".
28:Have you ever paid to see a Step Up movie? If not, how much would someone have to pay YOU to see a Step Up movie?
My hourly rate is $50, 2 hour minimum.....
29:If you were being executed tonight, what would you choose for your last meal?
My mother's Manicotti and Cheese Bread with my Grandmother's Banana Cream Pie.
30:Have you ever bought an item of clothing because it reminded you of something a fictional character would wear?
Yes, because I needed it for a costume.
31:If you were invisible for a day, what would you do?
Anything I could get away with....
32:Have you ever been punched in the face?
More times than most....
33:How do you take your ramen noodles?
With added veggies and thinly sliced meat.
34:Do you ever rehearse or plan conversations before you actually have them?
Yep, and it never really helps.
35:How much black do you wear on a regular basis (not counting funerals)?
I have a few black shorts, shoes, and my belts & work pants are always black.
36:Do you have any tattoos? Do you want any?
Yes
37:If someone offered you a free pet snake, would you take it? It's not dangerous or really big or anything. They're just moving to a place that doesn't allow pets.
Depends on the type of snake. I've had snakes before. If no, I know a snake rescue in town.
38:Do you know how to pronounce the word "pinochle"?
Yes
39:Can you think of anything more boring than birdwatching?
Talking about birdwatching.
40:Are you better with numbers or words?
Probably words, but I can screw them both up in equally excessive measures.
41:At the movies, do you stay for the credits?
Always
42:Is morality universal or relative?
Relative, but enough relatives make it universal....as long as it stays in the same family.
43:Let's say you're getting married to someone you absolutely adore. The only catch is that you met them through a Craigslist hookup ad that was supposed to be just for one night of casual sex. Would you tell your friends how you and your fiance met?
It would depends on my spouses wishes on the matter.
44:What's the worst name you've ever been called?
Chuck, because that isn't even close.
45:Would you eat human flesh if it had been harvested and prepared humanely? (Say, from someone brain-dead who had marked him or herself down as an organ donor - same difference, right?)
No. I have no problem with this in theory, but it'd have to be a survival situation and I'm not sure I could live with the consequences, so I'd have to be pretty bad off to take that chance.
46:At what age did you stop believing in Santa? Alternately, if you never believed in Santa, did you ever ruin Santa for anyone else?
Probably 9 or 10. I've always been a little naive.
47:Do you get along better with old people or little kids?
Both ends of this spectrum tend to be forthright and brutally honest. The kids have more of an imagination & are more fun though.
48:If you had to choose, would you rather become a nun/monk or a drug dealer?
Depends on the drugs and the religion since I'd pick the lesser of these two evils.
49:What's your best bodily feature, objectively speaking?
My bone marrow....the only thing that seems to have been beneficial for another human.
50:Who is your favorite late night talk show host?
Jimmy Fallon



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