December 17, 2011

My Civil Tongue

Those of you who know me in person, at least in a friendly sort of way, would probably be quick to dismiss me as a person who is capable of maintaining a civil tongue.

Truth be told, when I'm around friends, or at least friendly enough people, and I let my guard down, I'm apt to be almost quick witted and definitely a bit of a sarcastic ass.

Today I was a "nice guy" and did not say what the voice in my head was shouting for me to blurt out.  I'm not insinuating that I'm psychotic or anything, it's just that inner voice we all have.  For some it is a conscience or an inner child rattling around upstairs....for me it is that sarcastic, slightly lewd, and definitely crotchety "old man" voice.  I think my "inner child" is about 70, but that is probably a discussion for another time.

I will say that I learned when I was on my HCG diet, it was extremely easy to let my inner monologue become an outer monologue.  If I get that way it usually means I need to eat, preferably some red meat.  don't know why....I'm just wired that way.

Today I treated myself to lunch at Subway.  For some that is far from a treat, but it's been months and I wanted a meatball sub.  The place was busy but the line moved fast because the staff knew what they were doing.  In line behind me was a mid-20's chick who was more young than hot.  This girl was a) not my type, and b) definitely not better looking than my wife.  If she was better looking than my wife I'd have admitted it and I'm only mentioning her attractiveness because I think it is germane to the story.

My sub is done and in the bag but instead of ringing me up the worker, an early 20's male, went to finish the girls sub before taking his gloves off to ring me up.  I don't think he was trying to flirt or anything, but he definitely did smile at her more than he did me.  Not a problem for me at all.  When he was done with her sandwich he wrapped it up and took off his gloves to ring my order up.  The girl behind me saw that I had my debit card out, tilted her head in a half-flirty "innocent" way and stated, "You going to pay for my sandwich as well."  The way she said it was half statement and half question.

This is where my inner monologue started screaming for me to say something.  I so wanted to say, "Does that (asking for a free lunch) actually work for you?"  The next thought through my mind was something to the effect of making an excuse for saying "no".

Instead I just ignored her.  Totally chicken-shit was of handling it, I know, but my excuse I was a bit shocked by the incredulousity (I just made that word up) of the whole affair.  At least she could have flirted me up a bit or lead me on that she'd be extraordinarily grateful for lunch.  Please, give me something to work with here.....

Of course if she did that I think I would have had a response and I'd have let my inner monologue out to play.  Now that would be a fun post to write and read!

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