December 10, 2023

Relatively High-Speed Aggressors (Storytime)

Relatively High-Speed Aggressors (Storytime)

During my time in the Army Air Corps..... just joking.... I was an Air Force Enlisted Terminal Attack Controller working with Army maneuver units ("a drop of blue in a sea of green") we were pretty much red-headed step-children, definitely NOT the poster-boys the career field is today (they literally use some of "my" guys for recruiting posters....). Most of the Air Force didn't know who we were, and more importantly, didn't care.

Now I've never been truly high-speed, jumping out of perfectly good aircraft or swimming to work. While I've never worked with SF or Rangers, I have worked with just about every other type of Army combat unit. Still, compared to "regular" Air Force, I/we were relatively high-speed and I got to learn this during an extended Air Based-Ground Defense (ABGD) training event.

Now for the uninitiated, the Air Force world pretty much revolves around the airfield, which is defended by Security Forces, but when shit-hits-the-fan they'll hand pretty much anybody a fucking rifle and have them man the perimeter..... and in general most Air Force don't really have a clue what a perimeter is and have some issues pointing the bang-stick in the right direction (here's a's away from the multi-million dollar aircraft). Because of this, anybody that might be assigned to serve as ABGD has to go through some additional training.....and somebody has to be the "bad guys" for this training.

Enter this 1C4 and two of his comrades. Because we're with the Army 24/7 we don't "do" ABGD and command freed us up to help out. We show up at the right time & place with our gear and it's kind of a shit-show. There's a bunch of regular Air Force types and it pretty much looks like they're camping....not being "in the field" but fires, smores, and everything....though I didn't recall seeing beer. We show up in MILES gear already setup, our GAU-5Ps (shortened full-auto M16's), and all we have to do is pop the mobiflex (special tent) and dump our gear. That takes all of a half hour and we're just chilling in our tent waiting.......until...


As soon as we hear the explosion, all three up us pop on our helmets, grab our rifles, and start clearing the camp (as we already had our MILES gear on). The rest of the REMFs were quite startled when the idiot accidentally set of a grenade burst simulator and then a bit shocked when they saw us bursting out expecting an attack.....I mean, this was a training event, right? There was one Security Forces rep there and I'd like to think she was impressed, but hell if I know. She just bitched out the moron that was playing with the simulator and decided it was a good time to gather everyone up for a little intro to ABGD Aggressor duties. She asked us to form a line for a little walk-about, but really didn't do shit to actually organize us, so I pulled rank and did so, having one of my guys take point, another trail, while I took lead with "Buffy" (the Security Forces Senior Airman) beside me.

As we headed over towards the training site for ABGD we were able to take a leisurely route along the road. As we got closer she demanded we get off the road into the ditch....reasonable enough. Now I had already scouted the map and at a certain spot I had my point check out the road crossing and when it was clear, started sending everyone over to the ditch on the other side.

Buffy fucking lost her shit because we could be seen crossing the road from one vantage point on the ABGD camp. Frankly I didn't care and I kept the group moving, listening to her bitch and moan. Once we were all over the road my guys linked up on me and I tried to calm Buffy down. Yes, we could be seen if we crossed here, BUT the ABGD camp was basically on a large field at the very edge of the training area. At some point we'd have to cross this one road to access the camp, but what she didn't realize.....not sure if she had actually looked at the map, or walked the area, herself...was that this crossing spot was better than most anywhere else AND it gave us access to a creek bank at the base of the hill. The creek ran along maybe 75% of the camp's accessible side and by entering here we can use the creek and trees as cover to come up anywhere we wanted with near impunity. The only places we didn't have great access to were the front and rear gates, but even then it was better than crossing the roads at the gates.

My guys agreed & backed me up. You could pretty much see the light-bulb moment when she realized that we actually had an effing clue as to what we were doing. Ended up kind of biting us in the ass because now we were in demand for almost every training op they had. Get a quick brief, play out the scenario, rest for a few hours, then repeat......

I honestly don't remember if it was three or four days of missions, but it culminated in a mass night-time attack where we had to push until dead. I still call bullshit to this day, but I got killed rushing a machine gun nest from it's rear. My rifle jammed bad (fucking Vietnam-era a brass wedged in somewhere it isn't supposed to fit.) and I allegedly got killed by a grenade. Not a simulator mind you, but some REMF shouting "grenade" and them miming throwing one (ok, I assumed the miming part). Dude, I was still a good 30 yards away and you want me to believe you successfully lobbed a grenade through a thick stand of trees, at night, with no NVGs? Whatever, what was I going to do, butt-stroke the fuckers?

The training event completed, we were deemed "high-speed" enough to get on the short list for ABGD Aggressors. I only got to do the training one more time. On that trip I managed to sever their commo lines and just walk in to their ammo supply point. The OCs wouldn't let me steal their Hummer and ammo, nor was I allowed to simulate destroy everything. After that it was like, "What's the point?"

September 12, 2022

ALS Story (NSFW)

ALS Story (NSFW)
A lifetime ago, when I was in the Air Force, I had to scramble to attend Airman Leadership School (ALS) because I was going to be deployed, and make Staff Sergeant (SSgt) "downrange". Now my career field keeps us well away from "regular" Air Force and we normally went to a specific Air Force base for ALS, but this small base on the other side of the country was able to do me a solid. Normally their capacity is just enough for the Airmen on base, but I was allowed to attend with five other Airmen as a six-week Temporary Duty (TDY). I was the first from my career field to attend this particular school and at the time most Airmen have no clue what I did, so fish-out-of-water is an appropriate analogy.

August 10, 2021

This One Time, at the Strip Club....


This One Time, at the Strip Club....

I recently shared this old story from back in my Air Force days and thought, for better or for worse, I should share here because, wel reasons.

Back when I had but one stripe to lose and was stationed at Ft Lewis someone discovered an ad in the paper for some rather busty bimbo making the rounds appearing at the local Deja Vue. The ad had little more than a headshot and the copy stating "THEY'RE HUGE!!!", which became our catch-phrase for the week.

Friday rolls around and since we're paying a buck or two to wear civvies it is decided that we should have a unit luncheon at Deja Vue (THEY'RE HUGE!!!) as they have a free lunch buffet. I'm one of the guys eating his shitty lunch just off of the stage and then "She" comes out. They were rather large and nice, but definitely not "huge" in the comical way some are today. She was damn fine though.

After reverse motorboating one of my brothers, and totally fucking up his glasses, she drags out this little kiddie pool and proceeds to strip and pour a pitcher or water slowly over her body. She's only wearing a lei and a smile. Good times. As part of her routine she flicks some water on some of us. I motion "bring it on" and she tosses some more water at me. Another hand motion and she just empties the pool back into the pitcher, pours it all over me (definitely not as hot as when she did it the 1st time). Then she kisses me on the cheek and gives me her lei.

I remember getting back to the shop and rolling out of someone else's car shouting out to the unit, "I GOT LEI'D!!!".....yeah, it ends up the unit had some VIPs, including some female officers, visiting the unit and it was quickly decided that my ass had to be hidden away for a spell.

Later that evening another brother, Mike, and I go back to the club....why not, my admission from lunch was still good. We see her evening show and Mikey pays for a picture with her, then we stay for some other strip-shows.

Now Mike had this one interesting....peculiarity(?) he had which was that he was convinced that beautiful women were always checking him out. While we're sitting in the middle of the room having a beer and watching this hot blonde strip he starts up (again). "Dude...she's totally checking me out." Sure Mike....sure. After a bit more of this I'm at least humoring him and no shit, it does look like she's paying him waaaaay too much attention. I remember thinking just how painful this attention is going to be for future me, especially when her set ends and holy f##k....she's coming to our table.....

.....Where she totally ignores Mike to talk with me! I got a couple free lap dances and an invitation for a private show, which I got for about half the going rate. Now I've never been so conceited to think anything other than I was her mark of choice for the moment and I'm sure I left the club with no money in my wallet, but to be able to put Mike in his place back then and to remind him almost 30 years later......well worth it!

April 27, 2021

Twofer Tuesday: Kimchi Grilled Cheese Sandwich and Chipotle Mayo


Twofer Tuesday: Kimchi Grilled Cheese Sandwich and Chipotle Mayo
So now that I have my homemade Kimchi recipe down I've been enjoying it much more frequently than I had been before. I liked Kimchi, but the stuff I had been buying was downright ......effervescent? The brand I had bought (as recently just tossed) is actually a little carbonated because it was fermented so long.

Since I now had stuff I liked I decided I'd brush off my version of the best grilled cheese sandwich that I ever had, courtesy of a little grilled cheese shop in the Columbus OH, North Market that (IIRC) was called The Best of the Wurst.

I think there are other, more successful places with the same name, but if you're in Columbus and have the opportunity to go to the North Market.....hit this place up. I loved everything I've had there, but the Kimchi Grilled Cheese sandwich rocked my world, for more than one reason. It's great, obviously, but this sandwich introduced me to not just one knew flavor, but two. Because of this, consider this post a bit of a twofer.

Kimchi Grilled Cheese
The Kimchi Grilled Cheese Sandwich is pretty easy:

  • Sourdough Bread
  • Gruyère Cheese
  • Chipotle Mayo
  • Kimchi
Now the hard part for me is the's kind of pricey and usually only available in a small wedge, but I lucked out and found one market in town that had it not only at a decent price, but available sliced as thick as you like at the deli.

Kimchi Grilled Cheese

Lay down your bread, lay down some Chipotle Mayo....what, you don't have Chipotle Mayo? That's the twofer and the best DIY condiment you NEED to be making, so I'll loop around to making that at the end of this post. Anyway, Sourdough Bread & Chipotle Mayo go on first, followed by sliced Gruyère Cheese. Put those identical halves together with a little Kimchi in the middle and grill. I grill mine for about 6 minutes dry (i.e. no butter) on my George Forman grill.

Soooooo good.

OK, so this fancy Chipotle Mayo is the best stuff, but also the easiest thing to make. All you need to do is take one of those little cans of Chipotle in Adobo Sauce and toss it in your blender. Blend until smooth and add a little (like start off with a 1/2 tsp to a couple cups) to some mayo. The color should be a pinkish-orange, but go by taste. I make a small jar of Chipotle Mayo and keep it in the fridge and usually I end up having to throw out the majority of the blended Chipotle in Adobo Sauce because so little goes in the mayo.

I do consider Chipotle Mayo to be actual awesomesauce.

April 3, 2021

Budae Jjigae


Budae Jjigae
So I got my second batch of Kimchi made and I loved how it came out. Just perfect for my needs.....not too spicy or overly fermented. The stuff I usually buy is just..OK, but it is quite fermented so it has a bit of a "fizz" to it.

Anyway, now I need to eat the Kimchi. Obviously I enjoy it as-is, but it also can serve as an ingredient in other dishes, one of which is Budae Jjigae, or Korean Army Stew. The link is to the base recipe I followed, and the lead-in graphic is pretty much what I actually used. Cool thing is you don't need to follow either recipe perfectly....

Budae Jjigae Proteins
The proteins

I am not even boasting when I say that this dish came out beautifully. I was beyond thrilled how this was better than the last time I had it in Korea at a restaurant. Granted I might be biased, but since I bought the ingredients I was able to tweak things to my personal liking, so it should have been better. Things like choosing all-beef hotdogs and upping the amount of my Kimchi.

Budae Jjigae Mushrooms
Added mushrooms
With my (technically old) job I got to go to Korea for two weeks. The company I worked for was kind of a PITA when it came to travelling because they seemed to not want us to use the company credit card to pay for meals, even though it literally was the reason we were issued one. Their rules were almost draconian and a buddy & I went to this one Korean restaurant for dinner where we had a version of Budae Jjgae. The dinner for two of us was pretty much the price of dinner for one everywhere else, but I was paying for dinner with my company card and we knew the company would loose their shit that I was paying for two....that's just how they rolled.
Adding my Kimchi
Kimchi and Sauce

When the receipt came it was completely in Korean! This wasn't actually common on this trip as many receipts were either dual-language or in English. We both got way too much of a laugh thinking about how pissed the ladies processing our travel vouchers were going to be with South Korean Won and Hangul.

Now I would share the recipe here (outside of the recipe card I already did), but since I got it from another site, you should go there instead. Cool thing is on that site you can print out a recipe card and change the serving sizes easily. I would just reiterate that you can be a bit fast & loose on this as you should still be good.

Finished Budae Jjigae
Finished Dish